I think I started this blog post 5 times over the past few months. Truth be told, I have been having a hard time keeping up with this blog lately. And it’s not just a time issue, it is a life issue. All the posts I wrote were overwhelming. They talked about how crazy my life was with three toddlers and no matter how tame I tried to keep them, I ended up sounding like I was complaining about being a mom to triplets. I couldn’t publish them. Truth be told, I’ve been struggling through this toddler stage. Truth be told, it is HARD work raising a single toddler, let alone three. I know…I hear this ALL THE TIME from EVERYONE I run into. Truth be told, they are all right, it is DAMN HARD but I wouldn’t trade it for the world. I am so lucky to have been blessed with the angels that are my children yet sometimes I can’t help but wonder…
What would it be like to have only one child? There are moments, like Mother’s Day, where all three of my children were clinging to me in desperation and just wouldn’t give me a moment to sit and eat, that I envied the mom at the table next to me, whose single toddler was sitting through a peaceful lunch. The mom had the time to take in the precious moment and marvel at her creation. I rarely have those moments, and I think I deserve them.
Sometimes I stop reading blog posts of some moms of singletons because I just can’t relate. Yes, I’m sure it is frustrating when your toddler turns sour and has to cut your party short. But, imagine three toddlers turning sour and having to cut the one conversation of the week you try to strike up with another mother and her toddler, completely off. Forget parties, a simple conversation with a beginning and an end would be nice.
It is fabulous that I have help sometimes with my children. But, sometimes I think it would be even more fabulous if I didn’t need it. A nice vacation with just the hubby, me and our children is probably a few years away. A trip to Europe, I can’t even fathom it although it sure would be glorious.
I know I’m lucky to have the family I do. There are other mother’s out there who deserve trophies much larger than mine for struggling through the obstacles that come with special needs children or the pain of having loved and lost.
But, at the same time, I will admit defeat. I am sometimes resentful that I was handed such a crazy/difficult “motherhood”. Our family won’t be hopping on a plane to vacation in the Caribbean. Simply spending the afternoon at the pool requires enough planning, prep and drama.
Perhaps I would find it boring to be a mom to singletons. I was obviously meant to have these three children and most likely, if I didn’t have them all at once, Amelia might be an only child.
So sometimes I do resent other moms. But, sometimes I also am exceedingly proud to be the mom I am. I admittedly suppressed a chuckle today as I heard a group of mom’s whisper “OH MY GOD, she just told those ADORABLE triplets to sit on their bottoms and wait, and they did it. Does anyone have a camera? My one toddler would never listen to me like that.” My children are amazing. The diligent work I’ve put into maintaining order and a routine has payed off. Overall my kids listen well and stay out of trouble. But they are toddlers…and the whining and fighting x 3 is downright exhausting at times.
I definitely have a different sort-of life than many moms. It is a common topic between moms of high order multiples, sometimes we mourn the loss of a normal pregnancy and infant toddler mothering. But, the rewards are also unlike anything a singleton mother will experience. My children have an incredible bond that is obvious in their daily interaction. They are also miracles that very few people are given a shot at.
As my children approach two, I don’t often wonder “where has the time gone” like many moms do. The past two years have felt like two years…at least. But truth be told, I am very happy to have had 3 children in one go. My dream career is starting to blossom and I will be able to focus on it more and more over the years. And, my children will not be toddlers forever. Every stage will have its own challenges but from everything I’ve heard, being a “triplet” mom eventually turns into just being a mom in another few years.
Until then, I’m relishing the ups and trying to brush off the downs. Being a mom is tough, but admittedly some of us have it tougher than others. I think the key is taking the time to see the big picture. And my big picture is pretty darn fabulous!
That was a really, really great post. And if you have more like that sitting around, you should publish them. I write honest stuff on my blog. One day my twins are angels, the next day I wish that I get just run away. Its totally normal to feel the way you do. There is nothing easy about raising twins to me, and you my dear have one up on me.
The past 2 years for us have felt like that. TWO YEARS. Its tough, and its going to be tough. But never get ashamed about the way you write…there are so many of us who appreciate the honesty, and GET IT.
Hang in there,
xo
There are plenty of benefits to having three together. As we run from girl scouts to drama to soccer to football, I envy my friend with the twins that at least gets 2 in the same activity. I’m sure as they get older, they will differentiate into different things, but at least for a little while you can keep them together, which trust me, simplifies your life. And, look at me, I’ve had a baby or toddler for most of the past 10 years. We’re just getting to the point that I can sit somewhere and relax for a few minutes while my kids play without getting into too much trouble. 10 years!!!! You’ll get there much quicker.
Sometimes my life is super crazy, but there are other times that all of my boys go out and play soccer or football together, and I realize how lucky they are to have each other. Hang in there, and do your best to enjoy this stage. I’ve always said that it’s a good thing that toddlers are so cute because they get into so much trouble. But, when they grow out of this stage, you’ll miss it. There’s no other time that they seem so innocent and curious and impressed with everything around them.
Have fun! You’ll blink and it will be over.
Jessica, I just blinked and it’s not over
I’ll probably miss a few things about this age, like the darling hugs and cuddles, reading stories with a child snuggled in my lap and the utter joy these children find in the most simple activities. There are lots of things I won’t miss though!
I think I might appreciate this all a lot more if I had tried for years to have children with no luck. Ending up with triplets after taking a pill for 5 days was stunning to say the least. And the truth is, the reality of triplets is a lot different than the “idea” of triplets while I was pregnant. I knew it would be “rough” but…..
And you Jes are amazing. You love for children is to be admired. I probably would have stopped after one if given the option. The fact you have been raising toddlers for 10 years because you love having a big family is admirable. I couldn’t do it!
Love this post! I can totally relate. After surviving the first year with triplets I thought I had made it and it would all be easier from here on out. Ummm, wrong! I was even starting to get a little depressed, I thought that once they started walking that we could get out and about, go the park, etc…and they are just wild and all over the place, but still too young to listen and understand. This post was perfect and I’m sure all mothers of multiples have had the same exact thoughts. I know I have! We wouldn’t change and thing….but sometimes I wonder how much easier things would be with one baby!