Max here. First post. I typically shy away from writing blogs, friending people (not sure when that became a verb), or making any tweets, but I’d like to share a few thoughts.
In advance of the upcoming Father’s Day weekend, I’m posting in honor of all fathers and especially fathers of multiples.
With apologies to Jeff Foxworthy, here’s my top 10 “you might be a triplet dad if…”
10. If you sometimes pretend you have a bad digestive issue just so you can get some quiet time in the bathroom, you might be a triplet dad. “I think that egg salad was expired, honey, I’m going to need about 15 more minutes.”
9. If you’ve run that online 529-plan calculator using 2 different web browsers and 3 different computers because you refuse to believe it is spitting out the right numbers, you might be a triplet dad.
8. If your wife asks you, “do you mind taking care of the kids while I go get a pedicure?”, you wonder if driving them in circles around town in the car for 2 hours constitutes “taking care” of them. “Sure honey, you deserve it” Tip: always check the gas level before the trip so you can fill it back up to that level on the last lap.
7. If before you scoop up the kid or two that you have to take upstairs to undress for the bath, you check for poopy diapers and make sure you avoid taking responsibility for that kid, you might be a triplet dad. “I’ll go ahead and take up Josie and Amelia if you want to make bottles and grab Marcus on your way up.”
6. If you feel like a rock star when a gaggle of kids chase you around the house screaming everyday when you get home from work, you might be a triplet dad. I never knew I was so cool. How long will that last?
5. If you refuse to childproof your home office because that means babies will be granted access, you might be a triplet dad. “Probably best to keep that room quarantined. Well, I gotta go work on the tax return.”
4. If you tend to break mommy’s “only one hour of TV per day” rule, you might be a triplet dad. “Now who wants to watch a DVD? Yay!” And on that DVD, if you think the inventor of the “Play Repeat” feature should be a given a Nobel prize, you might be a triplet dad.
3. If you absolutely don’t know how to answer the frequent question of “how does your wife manage it all day everyday until the weekends?”, you might be a triplet dad. Sometimes I say “you know, it really isn’t that big of a deal” just to see the look on their face.
2. If you spend a lot of time trying to think of smart ass replies for when you get asked “oh my god, are they triplets?”, you might be a triplet dad. Not sure my favorite. If I’m out shopping during the hot NC summers, I say “No, their quads, I had to leave one in the car. Do you think he’ll be OK? I’ve only been in here an hour and 15 minutes. Don’t worry – I left the windows up so that hot air doesn’t get in. Do you mind watching these three while I try the new Need for Speed game? Sweet graphics.”
1. If you always wonder what in the hell you ever did right to deserve such a wonderful, fantastic, loving, healthy, happy, well-balanced, story book, beautiful, smart, handsome, funny, strong, and courageous family, you might be a triplet dad. Their great-grandma always used to say “count your blessings”. Four.